He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
