It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Pants are for mortals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
