i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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