Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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