I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is Oprah even human
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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