WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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