I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
