life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
