I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
