remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
