I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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