A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize