Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
