She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
