just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
