are you so shy because you have an std?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
