I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
