you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
