all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
