Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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