i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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