I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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