I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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