Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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