All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
