some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
