I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
