dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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