last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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