How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
