Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
