your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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