one word: firstdatebathroomanal
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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