Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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