She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
