no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
