And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
