I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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