that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
