you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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