I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
