I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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