I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
