I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
they need to just BURY HIM!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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