Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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