i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am spending my child support on dildos
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize