Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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