don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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