I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
