She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
