So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize