It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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