i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
