you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
