she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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