I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
