i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ttyl tear gas
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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