They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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