Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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