Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
