Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
