I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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