Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
