apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize
