me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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