I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
